I won't hang myself, I won't pull the trigger
Cuz wasting my faith just doesn't figure
Although He seems distant, invisible, not there
And with no response seems to not care
It's like believing in nothing, but I press on the same
I can't feel a thing, I feel so ashamed
When people around me, so giddy and glad,
His power is real, His grace to be had!
I smile and nod, and pretend I can show it
What the heck is real? How can I know it?
People have said they've talked with God,
Had Him touch them, heal them, I feel like a fraud.
A miracle's happened, Words of Knowledge from others
This says He's real, but where is He now?
He's silent and waiting but I don't know how
To reach Him and know if I'm doing this right.
I need some sort of direction
I strive for perfection
But daily I fail, and can't get it right,
But elders I watch and study all night
What are they doing, what do they feel?
How do they know what they're doing is real?
I feel like an outsider, a fake, bunch of scum
Though I mean what I pray,
Try to read every day
Is He going to tell me if I'm doing it right?
Lord I need help, that much is true,
Please can you tell me, what I need to do?
Others have told me, "you're doing just fine, don't take a break"
But why is it I feel like a fake?
I read and I pray, I pray and I read,
Sometimes not as much as I need,
But why is He silent, seem so just "not there"
I can't seem to find Him anywhere.