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"Stop being so sensitive!" she spoke as walked away.
The irony was not lost on him. He sighed, frustrated with his inability to articulate things that he didn't understand. He was too new to this world. Trudging dejectedly back to his car, he spoke not a word, but his thoughts were definitely not silent. Is everything so easily explained away? Who was he anyways? Just a geek who had again lost to the jock. No, had hesitated, and thus, lost. Hadn't wanted to be confined to titles and yes, commitment. He had definitely sunk into something that was way over his head, and it was not a pleasant feeling knowing that the only way out was to seek the one whom he had ignored to get into this mess.

He was created differently than most. Old-fashioned to the core, he was not meant to partake in the practices of those around him. The rebel in him died as the realization that his mistake was going to haunt him the rest of his natural life. He had wanted to just taste it.. just a toe in the water, so to speak. But with this world it was either jump in, or get tossed out. At least for him.

So now what? He says to himself, trying to focus on the lines that kept him on the road. "Just friends"? That had never been a problem before... The problem was, he hadn't had to transition from deeper to shallower before, at least not in close proximity. He laughed wryly, a humourless, black laugh, as he recalled that last time the problem had just run away, and never gave the chance to be "just friends".

He felt so alone, and abandoned. She had said that her life was crazy... well? Whose wasn't? Bitterly, he thought, I'm a college student, taking 5 classes, and trying to get a full 30 - 40 hrs a week, all while dealing with friends that, with a few exceptions, never seemed to pay me any mind unless I do the initiating. I still seem to be able to make time to try and at least initiate. Sure, we all lead busy lives, but see that's the point. There will never be a point in our lives where we can truly say: "There, my life is all caught up, now I can be a sociable person." We deal with new challenges each and every day, and we have to learn that if something really matters, there will be time for it... and that's why I feel she doesn't care anymore, and that's why she thinks I'm a over-sensitive ... I dunno. She says she cares, and I want to believe her, but in order for me to do that, I've got to remember she doesn't care "like that" anymore. It's different. The bonus content is no longer valid. Because I didn't want to commit.

Still reeling from his lengthy internal monologue, he turns into his house, and hopes that things might be better inside. Then he opens the door.
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June 9, 2014
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